The blog has been kind of quiet because I've been busy living life.
For the first two years or so of Sunday's life (I guess she's not quite two, yet) I have thoroughly enjoyed having my thing. My photography, my business, my (tiny) social life. In fact, for a while those were the things saving me from the overwhelming reality that I was suddenly a mom - and 100% responsible for another little human. Those distractions brought me back to my normal - a familiar place which helped reassure me life wasn't going to be all about changing diapers and dodging sleep schedules. I wouldn't say I had a tough time adjusting to being a mom - my experience was probably pretty average. But, it's definitely true that my personal projects helped keep me sane.
Before motherhood, I always thought I'd want to be a full-time stay-at-home-mom. I truly never imagined I'd enjoy being a working mom. So, I was surprised to recognize how much I needed and enjoyed me-time. If it came in the form of projects and running a business, so be it.
However, recently my heart has been changing. As I drop Sunday off for her 2-day-a-week childcare, I return to my office and long for her presence. She is my little buddy these days. My giggle machine. My "Mommy, it's time for a break" alarm. She keeps me on schedule and reminds me to eat healthy meals. She motivates me to stay on top of my chores and to get outside for some fresh air.
My little ball of sunshine.
So work begins to get pushed aside. More than ever, really. I'm getting things done, but not with the enthusiasm of previous seasons. I don't know where this will lead or what this means. I just know I'm beginning to recognize a change in my heart. I toy with the idea of slowing work down just enough to fit everything in at nap time. That way she won't need to be at day care two whole days a week. Honestly, I don't even know if that's possible.
It feels good to find a place of not just contentment, but joy, in all-day life with Sunday. I used to need the breaks. Now, I don't really even want them. (sigh) This must be what it feels like for some of those mamas who "click" into their new role immediately. It took me some time... but now, I dream of days full of homeschooling and extracurricular activities. Picnics, sensory play, and playdates. I know seasons change and this may just be a season for us, but it's one I am really enjoying.
Hah... this from the mama who used to hate "wasting time at playdates." I had "more important things to do!" But truly nothing is more important than the socializing needs of Sunday and finally, my desires align with that fact.
It feels good.
I'm hoping sharing this will help at least one other mama feel encouraged that if she's not loving her new role as a full-time mama, that there is hope for a change of heart. :) And, yes, I can and will appreciate that I will have time later today to take a nap since I've been up since 2am.
All pictures in this post were taken in June by The Photography Smiths. Love them. :)
