Gratituesday: On Mommy Guilt

So, last week I came across this link on my Facebook page. If you don't want to click through, here's the jist:

Dear Mom on the iPhone, It's okay. Sincerely, Awesome Mom Peer

Yes! It IS okay! I have this thing about Mommy guilt... it makes me sooo frustrated. It seems like moms in our culture feel guilty about everything - and we nurture each other’s guilt, too! It’s as if, subconciously, we are thinking “If I have Mommy guilt, it's because I care. And a good mom cares, right? Okay then, live on, mommy guilt!”

Except - a good mom also needs to believe in herself and the decisions she has made. She should stand by who she is and own herself - flaws, bad tempers, mistakes, and all. She should know mistakes happen, bad days come and go, and not knowing an answer is just a part of her role as a mama.

But, our culture thrives on Mommy guilt and it drives me batty. Do I suffer from mommy guilt? YES. I’m not going to act like I have it under control and I don’t second guess a LOT of what I do. But, what makes it worse is that we are constantly discussing our guilt, reading about it, and allowing it to naturally become a part of our identities as mothers. But, you all! It is such a waste of time and energy! I do recognize I am holding myself to a ridiculous standard sometimes, we all are. Luckily, I have amazing people in my life that help bring me back to reality when I need it most… and I am so blessed for it.

(And not to sound like a commercial, but, I want to genuinely add: if YOU need some life cheerleaders, I encourage you to “Like” The Motherhood Collective on Facebook and join in the conversation. We are all about loving and nurturing moms. Because we all need it.)

Okay, so, when I came across that blog post about being an iPhone mama and it being OKAY I was thinking "Yes! Yes! Thank you! Let’s join together and tell these mamas to STOP FEELING GUILTY about so much stuff!” Someone else on the internet GETS IT! I am a recent (last 3 months or so) iPhone convert and it didn’t take long before my phone became an important key to managing our lives. I respond to client emails faster, I can spew out a grocery list as I drive to the store, I share bits of Sunday's days with Tommy, I read a daily devotion… the list goes on and on.

So, for this Gratituesday, I've got two things: I am super grateful for moms that are about supporting one another. And, on a lighter note… I am also grateful for my iphone and how much it helps me manage all the going ons of our family. :) I am grateful to know I’m not the only mama who does NOT feel guilty about how often I use my phone in the presence of my family!

Tomorrow, I am going to share some of my favorite iphone apps with you guys. And I’m not going to feel one ounce of guilt about it!

Gratituesday is a weekly post I try to keep up with. Join us at Heavenly Homemakers by sharing your own Gratituesday post!

Life with Sunday | #gratituesday

Last weekend, something big happened. Sunday woke up only about an hour after I put her to bed. This doesn’t happen often, but when it does our routine usually looks like this:

If her cries are whimpery, pitiful “I’m really too tired to be awake” cries, we let her cry for a minute or so. But if she doesn’t fall back to sleep quickly, I will go into her room and pick her up. In the past, I have sat down in the glider and nursed her back to sleep. In recent weeks, I’ve picked her up and just held her for a little bit until she is barely asleep and then laid her back down.

But I always pick her up.

Until last Saturday night. She woke up and threw out a few whimpery cries, but I knew it would be easier if I just went in and coaxed her back to sleep. When I opened the door I found her sitting up in bed, usually a sign of a larger task ahead. I gently said “Sweet girl, what happened? Can you lay back down?” I patted her little pillow and repeated myself. “Sweetie, will you lay back down?”

And you guys, she did. She did!

She laid back down and I covered her with her blanket and rubbed her back for about 30 seconds. And that was that.

It’s small little moments like these that force me to recognize that she is growing up, and she’s never going to stop growing. No matter how much I LOVE this age and how badly I just want her to stay small forever, she is going to keep changing. It makes me sad, yet so excited. Oh, motherhood. Such a pickle you put my emotions in.

So, today, I am using this Gratituesday to express my gratefulness for life with our precious girl. It is good, so good. I know moments are fleeting and you never know how many days you have with each other. Let it be known that our days with Sunday have been the best days of our lives.

Here are a few snapshots of life with Sunday lately.

gratituesday is a weekly post I try to keep up with. Join us at Heavenly Homemakers by sharing your own Gratituesday post!

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Equipment used for these images: canon 5d mark ii // canon 50mm f/1.2 lens

Gratituesday: On Marriage...

Life is always throwing curve balls, right? Big ones, little ones. Of course the little ones seem huge if everything else is going swimmingly at the time. I'll be turning 30 this year. Sometimes, I still feel like a lost little 24 year old girl. Where did these years go? I got married at 24… and I feel like it's been just a few weeks since then.

To say that our marriage has been easy would be….. a joke. Then again, what marriage is easy? I am a pretty transparent person, so those who are close to me are aware of some of the challenges Tommy and I have faced together since we got married. Giant, divorce-worthy challenges. But here we are. Still together, still working hard to learn teamwork, patience, and lots and lots of grace. Still loving one another.

I remember someone telling us one day that once we got through those giant hoops, only then would the real work begin.

Well, the real work has begun. Oh yes. Not because we have a baby now or because we're 5 years into marriage. But, because we don't have a huge elephant in the room anymore distracting us from the every day marital issues. Oh, you know those every day issues. One person doesn't see the importance of closing the cabinet doors after opening them every single time. Another doesn't stop to close the shower curtain after stepping out of the shower every single time. One cleans up as he works in the kitchen resulting in a clean kitchen as dinner is served while the other lets dishes pile up into an overwhelming mess that is ignored until breakfast the next morning. Again, all the time.

Marriage. Learning to live and love - together. Remembering that no matter what gets in your way, what frustrations may surface, or who waves a flag of distraction, you are a team. Until death do you part.

During the hard moments when I feel like we are enemies, I have to stop and remind myself that I am his helpmate. His wife. His teammate. We are in this life together, and behaving as an enemy only delays our growth together. Then, and only then, am I often flooded with grace and a decision to either let my pride fall down, or further delay the growth.

Luckily, I married a man with what appears to be an endless supply of "I forgive you's" and "I'm sorry's." It's a good thing I married him, too, because so it seems, I don't have very many of those to give… so he compliments me perfectly. We are a match made in heaven. Despite the hoops we've jumped through and the fires we'll put out in the future, we continue to come out stronger each time. I know I've said it before, but I need to say it again. And again. And again.

Today, I am grateful for my partner in life, for the lessons he has taught me, and for the beautiful memories we've shared. I'm so glad he picked me and that I get to do this life with him. And I'm really excited about our future together. <3

 (photo by my friend Sabrena!)

Isn't he such a cutie?!

Also, I'm super proud of him for taking off of his 1LT shoes today and putting on his CPT ones, instead. :) I'm so amazed by his career... he works for the man really, really well. ;)

Gratituesday is a weekly post I try to keep up with. Join us at Heavenly Homemakers by sharing your own Gratituesday post! 

Be still... [a week without social media]

Peace.Joy. Calm. Still. Intention.

Words I need to focus on this week (and the weeks after). I created this little iphone wallpaper to help remind me of my focus.

(Feel free to download it for yourself if you like.)

One week of less stuff to balance in my mind. That's my goal.

No need to join me... just know it'll be quiet here for the next few days. [I'll still be on twitter and my FB business page for business purposes.]

Hopefully I'll return refreshed and rejuvenated.

<3

Letters to Sunday | 14 months (our longest letter yet)

My precious little one,

Oh how lovely you are. I have started telling you this daily. "You are beautiful. You are smart. You are going to do amazing things." You understand almost everything we say now, why not tell you how amazing you are any chance we get? I hope you always know that you are loved, that you are worthy, and that God has a plan for your life.

You are so affectionate, sweet girl. I love it. We love it. You give kisses galore and stop whatever you are doing every few minutes to climb in someone's arms to top off your cup of affection. After a 3 second embrace you hop back up and return to your activity, often delivering a thank you kiss. Daddy sings a little diddy, "Daddy LOVES kisses from the bay-beee!" And your face just shines! So much sweet joy.

I know I've mentioned this before, but, thanks to you I finally have someone to call silly pet names and my list for you is never-ending: sugar bear, sweet baby, honey baby, smoofaloogaroo. Okay I just made that last one up but it's totally representative of all the ridiculous things that come out of my mouth when I am racking my brain for a new cutesy name to call you. You love it. You love affection: verbal, physical, emotional.

You also still absolutely adore the great outdoors. You and your daddy both… you inspire me so much. You never complain if you're too cold, so Daddy takes you out hiking with him as often as he can. But we have to constantly check your temperature! One time you guys went hiking without me and somewhere along the way you lost a mitten. Daddy had no idea and apparently neither did you because you didn't attempt to communicate the problem with him. But your poor little hand! It knew! It was pink and purple for a little-too-long. Of course the human body is amazing and everything was okay after a little while. But even through all of that, not a peep of complaint from you!

Speaking of complaints. You're still teething. Oh, teething. It's basically this constant thing going on that I am always forgetting about. You are pretty good about handling the pain from teething, but your body typically tries to let me know what's happening. Runny nose, watery eyes… I honestly forget about the teething escapade quite a bit. That's where your nanny, Allison, steps in. She remembers all these little baby things and helps me remember to check your mouth. Low and behold you've got some molars coming in already and every now and then you stop and ask to nurse at the most random times. That's when I know for sure it's your teeth that are bothering you. Poor thing.

Yes, we are still breastfeeding. Girl… I think you would breastfeed until you are 10 years old if I let you. Daddy and I went on our first overnight trip away from you and we were gone for almost two full days. Of course the second you saw me come up the stairs you asked to nurse! Mommy = nursing. It has always been that way, I'm expecting it to not always BE that way. :) At this point we only share that quiet time at home before night-night (naps and bedtime). You seem to have gotten the hang of our new normal and I am grateful it unfolded how I always hoped it would. I hope to nurse you until you are at least two years old - the recommended amount of time - but I am glad we've narrowed this time down to just at home, in the quiet of our own space. (Although, I'll admit, those teeth and your relaxed latch make it slightly challenging for me to enjoy the thought of you nursing for another 10 months… but the cuddles are too sweet not to keep going for so long!)

You love your nanny Allison and her son, Aiden. When they come in the front door you squeal with delight and 99% of the time you would rather be in Allison's arms than Mama's (except that 1% of time when you would prefer to nurse). I can't tell you how comforting it is to know you feel safe in her arms. Aiden helps teach you to share and also to fight your own battles. He has also taught you this cute cry that you do when you are tired (I'll have to get it on video for you!) and other sweet baby things. I love the relatinship you have with both of them and I feel so safe leaving you in their company. They are moving in a few months and you probably won't cry about it as much as I will. I hope I will always be able to tell you of the sweet adventures you shared with them.

You are building a stronger relationship with the puppies. Hawkeye has always been so interested in you and kind of obnoxiously affectionate towards you while Traveller has always sweetly avoided you. However, it seems you appreciate Traveller playing hard-to-get and you are drawn to her more often than Hawkeye. It's pretty cool how she understand so well that you are our baby and she has to make smart decisions around you. Your daddy and I are greatly enjoying watching the relationships between the three of you develop over time. It's such a unique bond.

Food. I can't decide if it is a good or a bad thing that you have inspired me to stop and rethink our diets. Okay, it's a very good thing. At this time, though, I have been trying to learn a healthy balance in my personal relationship with food. This is proving to be a challenge for me and unfortunately you have been along for the ride. We waver between days full of nutrition-packed-meals and days of empty-nutrient meals (and an emotionally defeated mama). Treats are okay, every once in a while. The problem is that if I gave you a treat every time I wanted to, and so did your grandma, and your Thia, and your daddy… well… when would you ever eat well? I'll save the rest of my dieting diatribe for another post. In the meantime, I want to document some of your favorites. You absolutely love sweet potatoes, blueberries, strawberries, and bananas. Lately you have passed on all meats, which confuses me because you used to love them. You drink milk and water and you do appreciate a sip of my freshly juiced fruits and veggies every now and then. If bread, chips, blueberries or bananas are in sight you will not eat anything else. And so begins our days of fit throwing and toddler-ness.

You are an expert communicator. Using grunts, squeals, pointing and sign language, we communicate fairly successfully. In addition, you do say Daddy, Mama, Bye, No, Yeah, All-Done, Night-Night and a handful of other requested words (as in, I say "Can you say _____??" And you do. :)) Of course we are consistently trying to teach politeness and good manners. This is probably our biggest challenge. But, you're a toddler and we have many years of required consistency before Daddy and I will likely see the fruits of that labor.

You experienced your first plane right at the start of 2013. Me, you, Grandmommie and Aunt Jacqulyn all flew to New Orleans together. The trip was quite a doozy, but you faired well on the plane thanks to a lot of nursing treats. :) Typically you are such a great little travel buddy. You enjoy riding in your carseat, and you really seem to do just fine when your routine is thrown off a bit. But, this trip proved to be too much after a week of being out of your own environment already (due to the holidays). Of course we learned a lot and I hope future trips only continue to improve from here on out. :)

Sunday… we love you so. We love the personality of yours that shines through more each day. We are always talking about "how much fun this age is." Each new day, new discovery, new lesson and bits of personality shining through… it all brings such fullness to our lives. You inspire us to be better people, have a happier marriage, and keep our focus on what's important in life. Thank you, baby.

We love you so.

Love, Mama