Sugar addiction

Hello, my name is Liz and I'm addicted to sugar.

You think I'm being silly. But I'm not. This has been a rude awakening. A very rude awakening.

You all should hear the battle in my mind when I am trying to not eat (or break free from) sugar. I can do it... I did it... for a few days. (Do I sound addicted already?) No, seriously. I would like you to re-read this blog post as if I were talking about a real, hard drug. Because even though sugar is completely legal, it is a drug. So let me reword this.

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Hello, my name is Liz and I'm addicted to cocaine. I can totally not use it for a few days, so I am sure I have some control over it. But after a little while I can easily convince myself that it would be okay to just have a little bit. Unfortunately, that little bit just makes me want it more. And then before I know it I am totally binging. But, seriously, it's not that big of a deal.

It gives me mood swings and makes my body hurt. But that's okay. Those symptoms always go away eventually.

It makes me feel embarrassed and defeated that I don't have the self-control to give it up for ever and ever. But then I just brush it off and think "at least I'm not on heroine or something worse."

I get headaches if I haven't had any for too long. Good thing I can access it anytime I need to!

It keeps me up at night, but I still choose to have some before bed. It's just so, so good.

I know it's not good for me or my body, so when I have some I make sure my daughter doesn't see. I don't want her to have the same problems I have.

That white, powdery substance just makes you feel good. You can't get it off your mind, and you keep coming back for more. The more you have it, the more you want it! But even when you try to stay away from it, it finds ways to sneak into your life almost daily. What can you do? - Breaking Your Sugar Addiction

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I know, that sounds dramatic. But you all, it's serious. This has been a very rude awakening for me and I feel like I have absolutely no self control when it comes to sugar. It is completely bad for my body and after being off of it for a little while, I can totally SEE and FEEL what it does to my body.

Two nights ago I had a serious craving for cookies and cookie dough. I walked through the grocery store (Right after dinner, mind you. So this wasn't a hungry-grocery-store-run) and filled my cart with delicious whole foods, produce, and other essentials. I had just finished my paleo meal planning for the week and I was trying to stay focused. I was in the last aisle before walking to the register and I passed the cookie dough section. Twice. I grabbed a container of cookie dough and put it in my cart. Then I picked it up and read the ingredients. Hmmm... some things I can't pronounce. So, took it out. I decided, if I was going to cheat and if I really wanted cookie dough, then I could make it from scratch at home.

So I did just that. I returned home and made cookie dough. I didn't even bake cookies, you all. I just ATE THE COOKIE DOUGH FOR DINNER.

And here is what followed:

• I had to secretly eat it so as to not be questioned by Tommy.
• Then I started to resent my husband for being my diet babysitter. Ugh. Annoying.
• I tossed and turned all night.
• I woke up with a headache the next morning.
• My spirit felt low and defeated.
• I felt depressed and overwhelmed all day long.
• I could not focus on my work.
• I felt tired and lazy most of the day.
• I had mood swings and pretty much ignored Tommy and Sunday all evening. They were "bothering" me.

I was really, really shocked. I had no idea sugar took such a toll on my body. No wonder I've been a drama queen my whole life. I have been feeding myself drama drugs!!

So... where to go from here. I do not know. I do know that I am just about OVER dietary restrictions right now. I will get back on the saddle of this Paleo challenge and finish it out strong. After that I will try to manage my diet and truly eat in moderation. I don't know if I will need to attempt a Sugar Detox Diet or what... but I do know that I'm not even going to consider it right now. My mind is blown by this simple realization and in due time I will seriously approach the issue. But I'm not mentally ready to tackle it.

Recognizing the problem is the first step, right? (sigh)

Food Confessions | #wellness

If we are friends on Facebook, you have likely caught on that I share a lot about food on my timeline. I post things like information about the paleo diet, eating gluten free, and the lies I believe the government has told us for years about nutrition (i.e. fat is bad, sugar is not so bad - LIES!). I share these things because I follow a ton of food related Facebook pages and blogs... I follow them because I'm obsessed with food... Or, rather: I'm obsessed with my diet.

And, big confession: all of this roots in the truth that I am not happy with my body.

Now, I'm not writing this so people will respond and tell me I'm beautiful. So please don't do that. I am writing because I am on a journey and I want to share it with you. And seriously, I'm not the only one who isn't happy with her body so let's not pretend I am.

I want to be healthy and strong. And I am not as healthy and as strong as I would like to be. As I should be.

So this is my journey.

Sometimes (a lot of times), I find myself blaming society for raising us American kids with so much immediate gratification, indulgence, and really horrible food on the shelves in the grocery store. I want to blame my parents for giving me anything and everything I could have ever wanted before I even knew I wanted it. (They loved me so!) I want to point my finger and blame the people around me for raising me with bad habits and a lack of self-control.

But of course, it's no one's fault but my own.

Now, moment of truth: I'm a mom. And I do not have healthy eating habits. And it's time I face this issue of mine.

So, I stare into the mirror and ask "What will you change so that your daughter will not struggle like this?" I've said before that I really like (need) to focus on small steps. If I can change one thing at a time (maybe two), then I am more likely to find success in the future versus trying crash diets and huge overnight changes and failing repeatedly.

Because of what I share on Facebook and here on my blog, it's easy for people to assume that we eat paleo all the time, that we have a gluten free diet, and that we never drink soda. But the truth is, we still have a lot of bad eating habits and I share the research findings and interesting blog posts on social media because I am preaching to myself. I'm trying to learn, to take it all in, and ultimately to motivate myself to get my act together.

So here are our family truths:

• Eating paleo is always my goal around here, but we fail daily (see below). And Tommy is not really on board with the idea at all.
• I intend not to eat or serve starches at home (that includes rice, grains, and lentils, etc), but Tommy needs starches (both because he wants them and also because he is an endurance runner). So then I try not to eat the rice when I make it for him. But I always do.
• I believe gluten is bad for our bodies and we were not designed to eat it. But I purchase and we eat tortillas regularly. (I justify this by saying we don't eat bread… but I'm only fooling myself.)
• We drink soda. Tommy drinks it daily, I'll have a few swallows probably once a month. I love me some Mountain Dew.
• I am a fast food (Bojangles) junkie. I go through phases but my bad habit probably equals out to 1 meal a week from Bojangles (including sweet tea).
• I may have made the switch from white sugar to maple syrup or honey (both great, natural options), but I haven't changed the ridiculous quantity of sweetener in my life. I use a lot of syrup in my coffee, with organic half and half as well. (Although I've come a long way from the processed Sweet Italian Creamer!)
• I justify fats as being healthy... and we eat a lot of them. Coconut oil, olive oil, avocados, butter... and really these things are good for you... but everything in moderation. It's the moderation part I struggle with!

Those are merely the beginning of our truths. I am not happy with my body because I still have bad habits - eating and fitness. But I'm learning. It's a process… a journey.

I am going to be sharing my journey with you all in a little more detail than I have in the past. I hope to share the why behind the what, the resources I have found helpful, and the challenges I'm up against in our home. Our steps have been small, but they are adding up. Here's to health… and encouraging one another!